Looking Bad

A very very dear friend of mine writes a great blog called Girls with Confidence. I truly admire her for taking on this challenge as today's girls DO deal with a lot of non-needed junk.

I'll jump out here and take the risk of sounding egotistical and state that although I've had my moments of uncertainty and not liking this part about my body or that, overall I deem myself a pretty confident person in the arena of looks and body image. It's not that I'm vane, nor do I boast the world's best anything. I simply attribute it to my parents and my next-generation-up relatives who took a lot of time and effort to help me build a positive self image. And for that I am not only blessed, but I am grateful.

Tonite the cliche' "it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you" rings in my head strongly as I mull over the conversation I had with Saylah. Since I had such amazing role models in the good-self-image category, I know I have done a thorough job, heck I've done a darn great job, of promoting my daughters and their inner and outer beauty to them. But to my surprise that negative self image issue crept into my daughter's heart and saddened her eyes.

I learned a new perspective on that phrase about what others thinking not mattering. See, since she was young, Saylah has been stopped by strangers remarking on how pretty she is. She is constantly complimented on her inner and outer beauty (as is Audrey). One of my terms on endearment for the girls is "Hi Beautiful" and for Isaac, "Hello Handsome" so it goes to the obvious that this child has had a life being built up on the surface-level stuff and on the stuff that really matters. And to be clear, she is not a melancholy child by any means. Her beautiful spirit illuminates from her body, accentuating her physical beauty just as much as her soul nearly every day.

But this evening at bedtime, I held my crying child in my arms as she told me that she thought she was not beautiful and that she didn't like her eyes, her smile, and that she just looked bad. I have no idea what brought this on. After questioning, it seems there was no outside instigator in the issue. She simply decided she looked "bad." And no amount of mommy-isms or reassurance would convince her otherwise.

It simply breaks my heart. Of course I will continue on with the positive image building and soul edifying. But I will also begin praying that her heart and mind grows to learn and know that SHE has to believe she is beautiful ... it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks on the matter. These are the things that I think make parenting truly tough. And I agree with my friend ... even at the tender age of 6, being a girl can be hard.