Do You Want to Be Around Your Child?

The other day my cousin texted me something that made methink about why Iparent the three the way I do. I've always been close to my cousin (so I hope outing him now won't change that ;). He's a super smart guy, incredibly hard-working and one of my very favorite people in this world.

Here's the set up: He made a comment on my last blog. I texted him and told him to follow me. His reply was something to the effect that his wife would be a better person to do that because he considers himself to be more of a "go against the grain" kind of parent.

Let me stop here for a shameless plea -- I DO need followers. So will you please officially follow me on my blog site? First off, I am hoping someday to get cool products to pass on to my readers and paid advertisers to introduce to my bank account. But secondly, it's just kind of lonely only having one follower. ;) Which ...

is what I pretty much said to him. ;)

Okay, on with the story. So Chris (yes that's his real name) told me that he's a go-against-the-grain-parent. Well the sarcastic side of me wants him to know that he can't be all that go-against-the-grain quite yet since his son is only a few months old. (not much grain to go against) ;)

But, more poignantly, it made me think about his comment itself. Not because of him, or his implication about my blog or parenting, but more so it made me consider why we parent the

way we do. As a first-time parent I remember looking through all the books and learning what "they" said we should do. How "they" said we should discipline. Where "they" said we should take our kids for enrichment. I asked friends what they did, got advice, recalled direction and misdirection from my parents, in-laws, grandparent-in-laws and on and on.

When we started off, we took all this into account. We tried to do it by the book. But today, we roll to our own beat.

So, I kept pondering ... as the years have gone by, why DO I chose to parent my children the way I do? Why HAVE Ben and I decided to discipline the way we do; be crazy anal on what they listen to or see on TV; or ultra-conservative on who the hang out with? Chris's comment made me realize something.

Three kids into this journey, I know that I don't chose to parent my children because of what "they" say. Although, again, I admit my first parenting steps were in that direction. Instead I know we choose to parent the kids the way we do, teaching them love and respect, kindness and appreciation for the good because we want to raise kids who we want to be around.

I definitely believe what Proverbs 22:6 tells us: "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it." But I also believe that the way we train our children today, allows for us to enjoy them TODAY. In my opinion, that is, if we are intentional in how we are training them.

Today I gladly follow in my parents footsteps with clothing choices, but it's because I think it's the right way for my children. I recall repeating to Ben something my mom and dad said to me growing up once; if I let her wear holes in her clothes now she'll most likely want to continue that fashion trend as she grows up. But if I put her in clean, conservative, preppy clothes -- more my style -- I have a fighting chance she'll grow an appreciation for the finer things in life and want to strive to achieve her own personal, harder to reach, goals.

Maybe I'm wrong or maybe I'm right. That's not the point. But my choices on what I like my kids to wear, or do, or who they hang around does reflect on their personal perception. I put them in pretty things when I can, and they feel pretty. We talk to them about loving each other and don't accept when they talk ugly to one another because I do not want to raise a child who becomes a grown up who believes it's okay to talk ugly to others.

They don't listen to lyrics about losing a boyfriend because I want my girls to not have it "naturally" ingrained that they even NEED a boyfriend. Let's let them discover that prospect when they are really old enough to have some clue on the subject.

So, here's the thing, I in no way am saying conservative is the only way to go. My definition of that and yours is subjective anyway. Nor am I suggesting that MY way beats any other different way. I'm saying my way, works for my family. It's what we believe and it's also what allows us to rear children who we enjoy being around. I think most of us who are truly in to this parenting thing, raise our kids according to our own personal standards -- not the standards of a "they." And that we probably tend to raise our kids in such a way that aspires to cultivate little creatures who we actually want to be around!

So think about that the next time you question your parenting skills. You probably already know the answer if you go back and ask yourself: If I let her get what she wants when she throws a fit now, will I really want to be around her when she is still throwing a fit at 25?

I'm just sayin' ...